You wanted a reason, well here's my brain drain
Because I have to explain how you drove me insane
I pushed at those suffocating walls
I braced myself for inevitable falls
And looked out the windows to the outside
Wondering if I should try to escape or hide
So I spent my time in here fighting to get out
I pushed away the opression and the fear and the doubt
Only a little bit further, one day at a time
And in every waking moment I was sure to find
Two steps forward, one step back
Always difficult, never slack
Then there was a dragon inside you I could have slew
But you resisted whole heartedly, there was nothing I could do
Never alone, and that was what I couldn't stand
You desperatly craved love with an outreaching hand
Though now that I reach for the everlasting closeness
Your cloying fingertips cause pain, convey falseness
You burn at me, you singe me and blister my unseen soul
You fill me full, drain me empty, and leave a gaping hole
You always took everything I had in me with you
In such a position, what did you expect me to do?
And that was always the problem wasn't it?
I couldn't put up with that stupid shit
You never left anything behind.
I looked for myself, nothing to find
Though you didn't know what you did and you couldn't see
I can place no blame if you weren't as sensitive as me
Your presence to others is quite scathing; friend or foe
But you bite at ME, scrath at ME, you are like a mosquito
If I were to make peace, would you buzz round my head?
Would you continue to pester and let nothing be said?
If I made war with you would that be such a sin?
Would the buzzing continue, in my mind, under my skin
What you caused me was not pain but pure burning agony
Bound by the equisitite torture of compassion that held me
And though I must have caused you a great hurt in the end
With so-full promises that became empty and got out of hand
At least let me tell you I never meant to hurt
Even when my respones became fewer, my actions curt
While the hurt was unintentional and the ends to the means was unmeant
I had no choice but to convey the feelings I sent
It's hard to continue when you feel like everything's crumbling
I know this feeling, as I've encountered it, and it can be humbling
Altogether too many times I've been troden and pushed down
Though unlike you I know what to do and what can be found
There's alwasy that last chance while falling down into dispair
Small, thin, and untouchable, but it is always there
You have to actively try your best to create a better situation for yourself
If you choose familiarity rather than happiness, you don't open yourself to help
You create a self-imposed prison not unlike learned dependance
Close the dungeon, throw away the key, you've earned a life sentence
You need to help yourself before anyone can reach out
You lied, said you did, and I was always in doubt
I suppose you worked hard with what you had been given
But you're obsessive, over-passionate and ridiculously driven
You brought oppressing pain and turned my world upside down
You chose your path, though there was nothing to be found
It was all there for you! The trust and the way out
I pleaded and cried, but you ignored my pained shout
You chose what you knew and tried to ignore my advice
When your theory didn't float, it was of your own device
I knew that our friendship could never be enough
And your very presence has affected me thus
But never forget what I have taught you
The advice was well given, though circumstances few
And I'll carry your story with me
To let everybody else see
Perhaps some good has come out of our meeting
Some reason you've had to endure torturous beating
Maybe someone else can surrender themselves
Without having to plunge so deep, like you, into hell
Maybe someone else can rip apart their constrictions
And conquer self doubt, paranoia, and addictions
And achieve all it was that you could not
And they won't have to sit around here, to die, to rot
Why can't you leave and let me forget you?
I try to get away but I just can't ignore you
Everything in this universe happens for a reason
Every pain, every joy, every passing season
Everything is a lesson from little hurts used for buffering
To the great clefts of pain, the inevitable suffering
I look back and realize what you've done for me
With me, for me, against me, can't you see?
All too soon it will be too late for you to get help
Because eventually you will have forgotten how to help yourself
Self preservation
Coupled with hesitation
There were subtleties there that you couldn't see
You've never lived where you claimed to be
And so in every little thing that I used to do
I unconsciously tried to distance myself from you
So I staggered along and it was a terrible blunder
And the end result was to be torn asunder
I went and I labelled myself a horrible fool
Though I can and I will live on without you